I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
