she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
