Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
