Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
