what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
