My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
