he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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