He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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