i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
