Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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