Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
