hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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