the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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