He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
