genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just gift wrapped bread.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
