ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
