if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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