If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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