My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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