You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
