That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
