I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
