I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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