Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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