you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
