my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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