You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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