Well douche your snatch and let's go!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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