you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
