She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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