i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
