My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
