I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
