i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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