I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
