We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Please don't give away my fajitas
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
