he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
