The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
