first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
