So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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