I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize