I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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