The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
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Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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