yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
