i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
