Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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