Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You may now shotgun with the bride
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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