I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
