Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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