So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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