between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
