I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She needs sedatives and a leash
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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