True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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