I'm so fucking centered right now
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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