Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
