I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
