So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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