My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My bed smells like the plague
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
