when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
