If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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