Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.