Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants