What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
