The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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