I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
