I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
