dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
