You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So many bounce houses so little time
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
