we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
