quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
